Just a few years ago I knew who I was, what I was, and where I belonged. I knew what it meant to love. I knew about hate, but I had never experienced it, and I never believed that hate and love could coexist. I knew the difference between good and evil, and I trusted God to keep me safe.
Within nine months, I lost all of that. I was never so lost last year, at the height of my depression. I find myself being someone other than who I thought, something I can't explain, and I can't stand the place I thought I belonged. I fell in love and then my feelings got screwed up. I have hated someone while loving them at the exact same time, and now I'm not even sure which is which. The terms "good" and "evil" have no meaning, and I turned my back on the Christian God and turned to the Pagan goddesses, and realized that I can't count on any of them to protect me.
Have you ever been so confused and upset that you had to force yourself to keep breathing?
The hardest part of having all problems being mental/emotional is no one understands. There is no support group for this kind of situation.
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Given that everyone has periods in their life that they feel noone understands, one would think we could have all sorts of support groups.
ReplyDeleteHowever, as I look back at all the times I knew noone could understand, I realize now that *I* was the one who didn't understand either myself or others and therefor couldn't verbalize anything about it, compare/contrast, describe, anything.
Which may explain why there aren't support groups. What do we talk about if none of us can talk about what matters?
I suspect there is more understanding out there than we realize. My unique troubles are different from your unique troubles, but we have the common experience of having to deal with unique troubles.