Turmoil

Just a few years ago I knew who I was, what I was, and where I belonged. I knew what it meant to love. I knew about hate, but I had never experienced it, and I never believed that hate and love could coexist. I knew the difference between good and evil, and I trusted God to keep me safe.

Within nine months, I lost all of that. I was never so lost last year, at the height of my depression. I find myself being someone other than who I thought, something I can't explain, and I can't stand the place I thought I belonged. I fell in love and then my feelings got screwed up. I have hated someone while loving them at the exact same time, and now I'm not even sure which is which. The terms "good" and "evil" have no meaning, and I turned my back on the Christian God and turned to the Pagan goddesses, and realized that I can't count on any of them to protect me.

Have you ever been so confused and upset that you had to force yourself to keep breathing?

The hardest part of having all problems being mental/emotional is no one understands. There is no support group for this kind of situation.

A running commentary on Eragon (the movie version )

What! The cousin leaves! What about Katrina?
Aww. The baby dragon is so cute.
Ooh. Eragon is MY age!
How can a rider stand to live without his dragon? I think it would be very hard to have something that close to you to be in you thoughts suddenly be gone.
Not related to Eragon: my cat is too cute.
Eragon is an idiot. Saphira had to choose an idiot.
Doesn't anyone explain the laws of etiquette to villains? There's a proper way to be evil!
Zar'roc is a gorgeous sword. I want.
Everyone expects a dragon rider to be more than Eragon. Gotta feel sorry for him, having to hear that from everyone.

Overall: How they intend to make the second and third movies remotely like the books I don't know, but this was a good movie anyway. They'd better make the second and third movies, though. Or else I sue. Oh wait, I can't sue. The judge said that if he saw me in his court room again he'd throw me out the window. Lets hope I'm not a witness in a murder case he presides over. Actually, let's hope I don't have to be a witness in a murder case in the first place.

Ghost Hunters

Ok, Ghost Hunters is my new favorite show. It kind of creeps me out, but then I read Steven King before going to sleep at night.

GG and I are thinking of trying to trick them. We'll make up something about this.... thing.... that I used to see as a young child. We'll pretend I'm seeing it again and call up TAPS. We're looking to see if they fake their content. Granted, I really did see it as a child, but I probably just imagined it. I had an overactive imagination back then.

Hmm. Monster Quest is on in 20 minutes. I wonder if I should watch that, or more Ghost Hunters.....

Getting married

So I just watched the episode of The Closer where Brenda got married. My mother told me that she's going to cry BUCKETS at my wedding. So now I'm thinking about it (my wedding). I want a Celtic handfasting, and I will NOT be wearing white, thank you very much. I'll be wearing green. And I think I'll have the ceremony in a traditional Danish setting. That will combine my favorite parts of my heritage. But no poofy white dresses!

Oh jeez. Mama's crying just THINKING about my wedding. She's going to get me started....

Oh, I can't wait to fall in love and get married and start a family. Pity HE didn't work out.

Ok, to recap

After a family counseling meeting a couple weeks ago, the family realized that everyone had something to gain from mother and I moving into an apartment for a while. First, do not get the wrong idea, my parents are not separating. What is happening is we're getting out of the way so that my dad can get the house cleaned without worrying and taking care of us. I'm actually not going to be at the apartment much. I've got school and packing at the house through the end of June (school is way late this year, we had a teacher's strike and stormy weather). Then I'm spending July with my grandparents doing all sorts of things. We have an event in Canada, a music festival, and art show, and Critical Massive. I'm hoping to go visiting relatives in Nevada and Colorado in August, and then I'm moving in with my grandparents in mid-late September.

Oh, and my other grandparents are in a fuss. They're older and never quite got the concept of kids growing up and leaving the roost. They got it into their heads that my parents' marriage is falling apart and they're giving their daughter (me) away and it's all going to hell. We convinced them that the marriage is ok, but now they think that we're not getting the apartment. I don't know what they think concerning me. But then, they misunderstand almost everything.

seen the news lately?

So apparently this abortion doctor was killed. Ana believes that abortion is murder. I think that there are circumstances where it would be for the best, but that it shouldn't be the first consideration when a single woman gets pregnant. What I find odd is that the people who are so opposed to taking the life of a child would so readily take the life of an abortion doctor (or a woman who had an abortion).

Also, it's not as if the pro choice people are saying that you should get pregnant so that you can have an abortion, they're pro CHOICE, that means you can choose not to have an abortion, too.

On an other topic: why are we getting daily coverage of big topics like GM's bankruptcy when nothing new is happening? We seem to be repeating old stuff so we can fill up an hour of news.


I watch the News Hour with Jim Lerher, by the way.